I once told my monster that he could quit his job. That I gave my permission. That I could tell how unhappy he was and how ragged he ran and how unforgiving it was. I told him, “You can quit. It isn’t worth it.” Then I remember saying, “Because I know you would do anything you could to provide for this family. Even if it meant taking a shoddy job at a fast food joint to bide the time until you found something better.” Then I told him, “I would take a shoddy job at a fast food joint just to bide the time…”
Problem is, I meant it.
Bigger problem was, he didn’t deserve that kind of support from me.
Because when the time came to really prove that he would do anything it took to provide and take care of our family, he put his foot down. He let his pride make the choice. He never once intended to love me like I loved him. I was never worth any sacrifice to him.
I deserved so much better.
X, CK
