I decided it would be a brilliant idea to pre-book my whole entire summer. I figured this would be the best way to get everything in that I wanted. While yes, it was brilliant in ways, it was also incredibly taxing. I flew from one thing to the next to the next. I jumped from one fun pre-planned weekend to the next. I saw family and friends and acquaintances. I played in the sunshine in waters from the rivers/lakes of the Midwest to the Atlantic Ocean. I biked, kayaked, hiked, swam, rode on boats, and then some. I smiled a lot. I laughed a lot. I lived.
But when it gets quiet and I stop the busyness just long enough to hear what my heart, mind, body is really telling me, I know that something isn’t right. I’m not right. I feel the ick that has been piling up while I’ve been so busy threaten to take over. I feel the lack of self-care. The lack of inputting good into my body. Good like consistent exercise, healthier food choices, hydration. Good like writing, purging the darkness, deliberate prayer. Good like living intentionally and setting myself up for success each day rather than running ragged and surviving the weeks as I jump to the next thing.
I am discontent.
I am angry.
I am struggling.
I am tired.
So as my boys start up a new school year this week, I am pledging to revisit intentional living. There is a lot in my world that I cannot control and I have to make peace with that. But there is a lot that I can and I need to take ownership of that.
So here is my New Years Resolution in August:
- Write weekly. Blog often. Finish what I began. Tell the rest of the story. Let it fall into the lives of those that it needs to reach. Let it be a catalyst of change.
- Exercise daily. Eat well. Feel good again.
- Challenge my finances. Find a better job. Supplement anywhere I can find it. Pursue peace. Even with very little, I have the autonomy to do so much.
- Read again. Pick up physical books and delve deep. Make time to get lost in the pages.
- Choose to be grateful even in the hurt and discontent. Notice my blessings. Let go of the hard because it isn’t within my control. Trust God. Be patient.
- Set up my boys for success. Fight for them. Love them. Teach them. Hold them accountable. Be their safe place.
Loving myself comes with challenging myself. Setting up my world for good things means living with intention. It’s time to slow down and take a good look. To pull in the good surrounding me and keep the bad at arms length. I cannot survive this life if I’m running full speed ahead of it. But more importantly, I cannot love this life if I am not healthily present in each moment. And I’m determined to live it to the fullest. Hello life, I’m back and I’ve got lots of expectations.