Still, small voice…

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She was a shy girl. Beautiful but didn’t know it yet. I wonder if she still doesn’t. The kind of girl who shuffles when she walks while her hair covers her face. Seventh grade, innocent, quiet. She had wonderful parents, was the oldest of her siblings, grounded, well behaved and good at school. She joined my choir class that year.

She was timid but it was there. Raw talent. Such a sweet little voice. I do not think she had any idea. I pushed for her to take a solo that year. She was too frightened. I told her that was fine but to prepare herself because I wasn’t going to let her off so easy in eighth grade.

True to my word, at the end of her eighth grade year, I gave her a solo that she didn’t try out for. A snippet in a large medley from Les Miserables. I remember the first time she sang it for just her class and how heads turned and mouths dropped open. She was so unaware with her eyes downcast and that hair hanging across them. I could only grin with tears in my eyes. She was something.

Concert night came and though she was frightened, she went through with her solo. She stepped up to the mic, opened her mouth and that sweet, innocent voice filled the auditorium. Pure. You could sense the awe and the room got so still. I looked over my shoulder and took in the tears in the audiences eyes. I was so very proud of her.

I watched over the years as this bashful little girl blossomed into a bright eyed, stunning, and confident young woman. She went on to be a member of the top show choir in her high school for all four years, competed in district/state vocal competitions, and no longer was afraid of solos. She spent a few years traveling as a musician and leading worship from stages and audiences of all sizes and shapes. She has owned her voice and has gifted so many with it.

I did that. Maybe not all of it but I played a part. An important one. I was the push she needed to realize her potential. I did something right.

Life isn’t easy right now. I am still fighting many uphill battles and living out the repercussions of my great sadness. I am still healing from my abusive marriage. I am still missing my daughter. I am trying to be all my boys need. I am still staring into the black void of my future with no clue as to what may come. I am still hurting.

But Sunday, I sat halfway back in the giant auditorium of our church and I listened as that young girl that brought such fulfillment to my life years ago stood on stage with a guitar in hand, her hair pushed back but still wanting to fall across her eyes, and well over a thousand people in the audience and she sang. Gone was the innocent little voice of her sweet seventh grade self and it was replaced with a passionate, bold luster that still causes jaws to drop and eyes to tear up. Mine especially.

She zealously sang out the words to a song that has been my war cry as of late. She doesn’t know it but she’s a part of my story now and always. And watching her brings me not only joy but some peace. For despite all I did wrong, I did some right. I made a difference. I touched lives for the better. I hope she never quits singing or loses this passion. She makes a difference.

My voice has changed too, sweet girl. My calling has changed and I now will lend my voice to a new cause. I hope I can be as bold, passionate, and life-changing as you. God bless.

X, CK

Take Courage by Bethel Music
Slow down, take time
Breath in He said
He’d reveal what’s to come
The thoughts in His mind
Always higher than mine
He’ll reveal all to come
Take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting
He’s in the waitingHold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing
He’s never failing
Sing praise my soul
Find strength in joy
Let His Words lead you on
Do not forget His great faithfulness
He’ll finish all He’s begun
So take courage my heart
Stay steadfast my soul
He’s in the waiting
He’s in the waiting
Hold onto your hope
As your triumph unfolds
He’s never failing
He’s never failing
And You who hold the stars
Who call them each by name
Will surely keep, Your promise to me
That I will rise, in Your victory

He’s in the waiting

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